I'm not going to lie. Today I have not been my best self. It's back to school week, and with that comes some natural re-adjusting to early rising, getting ready, and moving two kids off to school. Before bed last night I found myself screaming and in a state of high anxiety because my two daughters were upstairs arguing....again. After a good night's rest, they emerged from their slumber and ready to pick up where they left off. SMH. When Maddie sarcastically said to Trinity, "You might as well add the pasta Mom just cooked to your lunch today, I mean your lunch is already all carbs anyway, why not some more?", well I lost it again. Dropping them at school, I was amped up and ready to ship them both off to military school.
I am reading a book called Simplicity Parenting, and I had room in my schedule this afternoon to spend an hour reading--which relaxes me and gives me the chance to pause, take it all in, and not murder some poor soul who crossed my path at the wrong time. Deep breaths. Get centered. I am sure if you are anything like me as a parent, you will identify with my internal dialogue throughout the day: "We are failing!", "It's too late, these kids are ruined", and "I am raising the most ungrateful, mean-spirited kids in the world!" I fret and I do the math: Is four more years at home going to be enough for us to undo the damage we have done for the last 14? Are there enough books out there in the world to read and tell me how to fix this mess? Is it too late for me to find better, more fit parents for these girls? And so on and so forth. Reading books like this one help me to fight a good fight against my lizard brain.
When I picked up Trinity at school, we headed home so I could unload some things from the car before heading off to pick up Maddie. Walking from the car to the front door, I was completely and totally "in my head" and unaware really of anything else except the poor, pitiful me routine I was playing on a loop in my brain. I did notice the three men sitting between my house and my neighbors house. They were taking a break from their job as landscaping workers in the blistering 150 degree heat. I saw them. And then I walked in and proceeded to get a snack and check my phone for any new email I missed in the last fifteen seconds.
A few minutes later I heard Trinity say, "Mom can you come help me and open the door?"
I looked over to where she was sitting and noticed her hands were full. I got up and went to the door to find her holding four large cups of ice water.
"What are you doing T?" I asked her.
"Taking it to those men outside. I think they are really hot."
I opened the door and watched her go out. And inside my faith in all of humanity was restored with this small gesture.
Trinity saw these men, knew it was hot, and did what she could do to make their day better. She gave them a glass of ice water. I saw those men too, but I was too self-absorbed to process that I could be a blessing to these men. I was in my head, absorbed by my own self.
But I did not have time to cry over this magical moment because it was time to pick up Maddie at school. Back in the car I went. When I pick up Maddie, I typically have one, two, maybe three other kids that need a ride home tagging a long with Maddie. "Mom, it's too hot for them to walk home!" she says. I took her two friends home and driving to our house, Maddie's phone rang. I listened in on the short conversation and surmised that Maddie had offered her mom to take another kid home tomorrow. "Mom, she needs a ride. She will have to walk if you don't take her and it is so far for her to walk" I protested a little but knew I would say yes. Maddie has a big heart. So yeah, another moment where I learned something.
What did I learn? From Trinity I learned this: when you are angry, frustrated, and ready to snap stop focusing on you and do something nice for someone. Look for ways to do good in the world. It is amazing how one selfless act can cool your jets.
Maddie taught me that things are never as bad as we make them out to be. We all have bad days, and bad things happen but that does not make us bad. My girls argue, like every other sibling set in the history of the world. It drives me crazy. I hate it. But it isn't the end of the world. Maddie has a sweet heart and is always looking for ways to help her friends.
Parenting is hard. Really hard. Some days though, you get moments where you SEE that you have great kids and you know that maybe, just maybe, you might be doing something right.
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