The Cost of Self Delusion

I am about half way through "What Got you Here Won't Get you there" by Marshall Goldsmith, a pretty good read on how to break some of our worst habits to reach our full potential. There is not, so far, anything revolutionary in his list of bad habits that hold us back but I am always a fan of repetition to reinforce some of those hard learned lessons. I have paused to put down here a great thought from this very book, found on p. 134.

"Your flaws at work don't vanish when you walk through the front door at home"

that is worth typing again

"YOUR FLAWS AT WORK DON'T VANISH WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR"

I hear people I work with tell me all the time "I am different outside of the work place" and honestly, I have a pretty tough time believing them. The area I struggle most with in my life is organization. I know that about me. Thank goodness I have Millie as my business partner because she helps me with that by 1. being very organized herself and 2. gently reminding me of things I should be paying attention to but have failed to do. "But I am not that way at home". Yeah right.

Goldsmith tells of a Gordon Gekko like character he worked with who was VERY successful financially but a disaster in his professional relationships. Essentially everyone he worked with hated the man. When Goldsmith sat down with him to address this flaw, the guy's response to him was "Oh that is just me at work, I don't act like that at home". So Goldsmith got his wife on the phone who literally burst out laughing at her husbands self delusional statement. I think the word she used was "jerk" to describe him at home. Just for good measure, Goldsmith got his kids on the phone too. And they corroborated her story. OUCH!

My point? Pay attention to the complaints you receive at home, and there is a good chance that those are the very qualities that are holding you back not just in your personal relationships but in your professional relationships too. May Angelou once said "When people show you who they are, believe them". I would add to that--if they show you to be one thing at work, they are likely the same way at home--and vice versa.

Take a week and write down all the comments that people make about you. Even the comments your kids make (ouch!) Write down the good with the bad. At the end of the week, sit down and see if any patterns emerge from the "passing remarks". Then make a plan to do better.