Doin' time in the principal's office: Mr. Roach and me.

Mr Roach and me, looking like an angel: front row with the
pigtails and Laura Ingalls looking dress.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the events that shaped me and molded me into who I am today.  Without a doubt, the teachers I have had throughout my education have been instrumental in shaping my character and values.  Hindsight is 20/20 and as an adult I feel indebted to one man who challenged me from an early age to do better and be better.  While the word “mentor” was not on my radar as a kid, I know now that Bill Roach was a mentor to me.  

Here is how that played out.

If you knew me in elementary and junior high, you would have likely shook your head and thought to yourself “that kid is a brat!”  And you would have thought that because I was, in fact, a brat.  I remember, for example, my third grade teacher, Mrs Casey (pictured above), stopping reading group because I was visiting with my neighbor instead of paying attention.  To redirect me she said “Libby would you like to teach the lesson?”

Any kid who had an inkling of self preservation would have shut up and straightened up.  But not me.  Instead I replied to her “hand me your book.”  I was a little smart $%^& and it was incidences like these that landed me in the principal’s office on a regular basis.

Our principal at Bowie Elementary was Bill Roach, a handsome bald headed man who was known for wearing snazzy plaid suits and driving a vintage blue/green mustang. This was the late 1970’s and early 1980’s and the rules for dealing with unruly children like myself were different back in that day.  Corporal punishment was used regularly in the form of a paddling and I was well aware of this possibility but it didn’t stop me from mis-behaving.  

I don’t remember Mr. Roach threatening me with a paddling. And as far as I know he never called my parents, not one time.  I do remember a lot of what we call a “come to Jesus” type conversation with Mr. Roach.  In a gentle and loving manner, Mr. Roach would attempt to redirect me.  I cannot remember him telling me I was a bad kid or using scare tactics to get me to change my behavior in the classroom.  I like to think that Mr. Roach knew that I had potential.  I think he understood that my antics in the classroom were the result of boredom and not feeling challenged.  Mr. Roach got me.  

My regular visits to his office led Mr. Roach to a brilliant idea one day.  I arrived  to his office to find that he had moved a little desk and chair  beside a filing cabinet.  He informed me that if I was going to be there I might as well be productive and he had me file papers.  In the sixth grade he took it one step further and let me answer the phones and take messages.  I remember running errands to teachers rooms to deliver notes and on occasion I even got to go into the teachers lounge (where smoking was still allowed!) and deliver notes.  Mr. Roach gave me a purpose.  He gave me an outlet to exercise my energy and feel important.  He knew I would respond well to this special treatment.  

I am not going to tell you that I did a 180 and became a brand new kid because of these interventions.  In fact, my junior high experience was a continuation of my elementary experience.  I visited the principal and vice principal’s office many, many times in junior high as well.  (You would die to hear some of the things I did in junior high.  Oh lord.  It is embarrassing.)

My “rehabilitation” did not come until I landed in high school and joined the speech and debate team.  Finally! I had found my people. Now I had an outlet for my big mouth where I could use it to do good things.  My behavior in class changed dramatically.  In fact, my junior year, out of my class of about 350 people my teacher chose me and six of my classmates for National Who’s Who.  I remember my best friend Amy’s (who was the ideal student and loved by all teachers) mom being shocked that I had been chosen to be a part of this “elite” group.  

A few years ago, Mr. Roach and his beautiful wife Betty were killed in a plane crash coming back from a weekend away with their best friends.  I had been in touch with Mr. Roach my entire life up until the day he died.  Later in life, my parents started attending the same church as Mr. and Mrs. Roach and when I would come home to visit I would always make it a special point to seek him out and catch up.  I am so pleased that he met both of my children.  I am equally pleased that he was able to see me as an adult who had found my way and was successful in my personal and professional life.

One of the best lessons I have learned in life is that sometimes the thing that got you in trouble as a kid is the thing that becomes your calling in life as an adult.  It is because of people like Mr. Roach that I did not come to see myself as a bad kid.  Don’t get me wrong--I had adults in my life who told me regularly I was a bad kid.  I had a teacher in the 7th grade tell me in front of the entire class “I hate you.”  Thank you Jesus that these kinds of experiences were not the ones I internalized.  Were it not for a man like Mr. Roach though, I might have.  I also believe that because of Mr. Roach and other key figures in my life who saw my potential and allowed me the opportunity to flex that muscle, that “thing” that I could have been labeled as bad for became my greatest strength later in life.  

Mr. Roach invested his time and effort in me knowing that he was planting seeds that would one day produce a result.  It would have been easier to just paddle me.  It would have been easier to call my parents and tell them to take care of it.  But that is what a mentor does.  They see the potential and they draw it out, slowly, methodically, lovingly.  

The story we tell ourselves about who we are is directly connected to the experiences we have in life and the people who we are in relationship with.  Knowing that, here are three take aways for all of us to use in our lives and relationships and think more like a mentor. 

FIRST, Resist the urge to label people.  When we do this we make people one dimensional and it blinds us to seeing the potential in a person.  Whether you are a parent, teacher, boss, colleague--your interactions with other people will shape how that person sees themselves. A great mentor strives to see people three dimensionally!

SECOND, Identify people’s strengths (spiritual gifts, talents, interests) and look for ways to let them shine.  Mr. Roach knew that I liked talking to people and doing “grown up” things at a young age.  He found a way to let me do that. 

THIRD, Say something nice.  This seems so common-sensical to me and to you and yet we don’t do it.  It is SOOOOOO easy to point out the bad “stuff” but what about the GREAT things about the people you are in relationships with?  Make complimenting a regular best practice for you.  

Mr. Roach left a legacy for me and the thousands of kids who passed through Bowie Elementary.  When he retired, I clearly remember all of the students in our school gathering in the cafeteria to celebrate this man.  Someone had written a song for him and we all belted it out to show him our appreciation.  What a wonderful memory.