Blinded by the light . . .

Or Why loving your message too much can make you a bad communicator

I was going to call this post "I found Jesus in my cappuccino" but I figured that might make some people stop reading.

I was witnessed to the other day. In a Starbucks, no less! I have to give props to the missionaries: two cheery girls who couldn't have been more than 20. I was struck by the sheer fervor of their testimony -- and the bulldog-esque nature of their unwillingness to let go once they had a good bite (I was the bite).

One of my favorite comedians, Jim Gaffigan, does a bit that perfectly illustrates my experience -

"I do want everyone to feel comfortable, that's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus . . . It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger goin' 'I'd like to talk to you about Jesus . . .'?"

The other thing that struck me about these girls was how little they seemed to care about me, their audience. It turned out that what they really wanted to do was perform their well-planned litany of reasons to follow Jesus. The fact that I already knew the litany and expressed my irritation at their very intrusive questions concerning my "personal relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior" had no impact on their message. They were going to say what they had planned, by God!

Everyone has been in a situation like this. Although it may not have been such a spiritual experience, we have all been the victims of a presenter who LOVES their topic and thinks everyone else should LOVE it, too -- the financial adviser who expounds on the state of affairs on Wall Street, the car lover who details the difference between the '72 and '73 corvette, 0r the communication expert who sees every conversation as an invitation for a lecture on how to be an effective communicator. What each of these speakers seems to forget is that no one else is as invested in their topic as they are. They end up turning people off completely, rather than generating interest. They get the exact opposite of what they are seeking.

Oddly enough, the two missionaries would have created a very positive impression with me had they been a bit less passionate about their topic and paid a bit more attention to my responses. I actually had to be mean to get them to leave (and those of you who know me know that, despite my rather surly exterior, I'm really a softie at heart).

It made me realize that if all of us put a little more effort into exploring how our audience might feel, we would probably change a lot about what we say and how we say it. I know I would. It's a good thing that everyone loves communication as much as I do, huh?

-- Millie Shaw