Gender & Sex: The Debate Continues

I truly hate it when I have to revise my position on a topic like gender and sex. You see for YEARS I taught college students that it was gender: the sociological construction of our masculine or feminine identity that was paramount to all other influences. I was solidly grounded in my belief that nurture trumped nature! Well.....I am not as sure and comfortable in this thinking as I once was. My husband (Mark) and I have two girls who are headed toward adolescence fast and furious. In my attempts to get a handle on this before it happens I picked up the book "The Wonder of Girls" by Michael Gurian, a well published and well respected writer as well as social philosopher, family therapist and all around smart guy.

After I finished this book, I immediately ordered "The Wonder of Boys" to read as well. Now, I don't have sons, but I do have a husband--and I suspected that reading this book would give me insight into how his brain works! A simple issue like "why does Mark (my husband) love to channel surf for long periods of time and it drives me bananas?" Well, Gurian has a simple biological answer for this simple question as well as insight into some of the more complicated issues on how and why we do the things we do.

After I finished both books, I immediately sent an email to friends who are raising kids, friends who are educators and friends who have a pulse--- "READ THESE BOOKS!" It just might help you avoid some of those problems that potentially await you in the future. And save our civilization. OK--that could be a stretch.

Here is the take away from these two books:

1. Boys and Girls (thus men and women) are different biologically. For years, we have ignored the reality of this statement in favor of nurture explanations. Now we have decades of well substantiated research that helps to turn our attention back to the nature of who we are.

2. Moving closer to a balance between nature and nurture to understand who we are is better than a polarized one point of view position (that is as much for me as for anyone else!)

3. The feminist movement and philosophy has done a lot of good. It has taken us only so far though and we need to re-evaluate, redefine and reconsider. (that one is a tough one for me--but after reading Gurian's point of view I have to say I am reconsidering)

4. Our basic nature as men and women do not define our destiny. But, understanding these things (how our brains work, how our hormones work, etc) can allow us to better define our sense of identity and our relationships.

5. Lots of reading, thinking and considering is necessary on our part to fully evolve as men and women. We MUST separate ourselves from the tired and worn out stereotypes that limit us and our relationships.

The content of Gurian's book has caused me to go back and revise my gender in the workplace workshop. That will be the content of my next post: gender at work--moving forward.